A New Strategy

I have fallen apart. I don't pray. I don't exercise. I don't read my Bible. I don't stop eating when I'm full. I waste time. I am impatient. I am selfish. I am uncaring. It has been a progressive deterioration.  I have tried, without success, to pinpoint when the destruction began. The starting point really doesn't matter, though. The point of change, does. 

The absolute point of change occurred on January 23, 2003. That's when I became a Christian. That was the day I sat crossed legged on my white eyelet comforter and sobbed out my acceptance of, and dependence on, the mercy of Jesus. In that moment I died to sin. The Bible tells me so. We should have had a funeral. 

Christ began revealing immediately that the old me had died. The next time I flipped someone off He gently showed me I didn't do that anymore. The music I used to groove to started bothering me, the lyrics washing over my brain like vinegar. I heard myself curse and cringed. A relationship I had severed caused an ache in my soul.

As the old habits exited, some new came in. I read my Bible and thrilled at the treasure within it. I prayed and actually communed with God. Not just words pointed at the ceiling, I talked to my Creator. I grew modest. I took counsel from those who oozed love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

In recent years I have slid, though. I have started acting like that girl who died eleven years ago.  How can a vibrant, eternal being act like a corpse? Perhaps I lapsed because it is easier to do behavior management than nurture a relationship. Staying with God, listening for His Voice, waiting, and depending take effort. Mere religion is easy. Wrestling with God requires energy.

I've known this for awhile, but didn't know how to fix it. I was paralyzed by feeling guilty for allowing my soul to grow so stagnant. 

My new strategy for living the reality of Philippians 2:12-13 is centered on music. To remind myself that it is God Who works in me, I sing and hum a hymn throughout my days. My favorite verse of Come Thou Fount says: 

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

To spur myself to wake up, fight on, and work out I am setting a new ringer on my alarm. (I hope my roommate doesn't mind) The video is below. The lyrics are posted below it. 

I will let you know if this new musical strategy has positive results, or not.

[Intro:] ~John Piper~

I hear so many Christians, murmuring about their imperfections, and their failures, and their addictions, and their shortcomings. And I see so little war! Murmur, murmur, murmur. Why am I this way? Make War!

[Verse 1:] ~Tedashii~
Bang with me/ba-bang bang, ba-bang with me
No more playing games mane/cause this thang can get risky
So man if you in Christ/TAKE UP!!/your cross quickly
Stand fearless on the frontline/time to come with it
Do the right thing/WAKE UP!!/and lets get it
I ain't even in the ring/they throwing blows like Riddick
Persistently attacking me/they're even in the back of me
It's either fight or lose my life and I can't take this passively
So what you think I'm bout to do/I'm bout to do what I can do
Trust the ONE who got me through/and fight like it was after school
Never giving up/steady, standing on the battle field
Feet firm to the ground like I stepped on Chapel Hill
Flesh feeling frisky, sin persuades and tempts me/
Satan cheers me on/guilt followed by conviction
It's the same ol' trap/and we fall like we defenseless/
Work your senses/grow in wisdom/stand firm and be relentless/

[Hook:]
I MAKE WAR!/Cause sin never sleeps/
It's got me in a trance/you can see it in my dreams/
I MAKE WAR!/Man I beat my flesh/
To the death/every breath/like I beat my chest/
I MAKE WAR/sun up/
I MAKE WAR/sun down/
I MAKE WAR/time in/
I MAKE WAR/time out/
I MAKE WAR/against lust/
Against pride/against me/until I die/

[Verse 3:] ~Tedashii~
I'm a Christ representer, fit to stand and deliver/
Cause a lot of my believers struggle with their agenda/
So I dropped this on an ADAT/just so you could come play back/
A hit to be encouraged that rocks you with truth from, way back/
So listen up to it ASAP/like you do a Lecrae track/
I'm spittin' written visions to put on heads like a wave cap/
Sinning, naw we don't play that/cause that's the way that a slave acts/
I'm filled with the Spirit so tell them dawg this is pay back/
As you begin to copy the carbon copies of Christ/
And conform to His written image you should be shinning a light/
If you not, why is that?/
Is it fear that's been grippin' you/cause you scared they'll be dissin' you/
Flipping birds while that spit at you/
If you not, why is that?/
it don't matter so bump it/perfect love cast out fear and He ain't save us for nothing/
his is a privilege (privilege)/your life to give to Him (give to Him)/
so stand firm for Him dawg and lets get it in

[Hook]


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