Thursday, August 23, 2012
I am not a motivational speaker. But something big happened last week. As I have been pondering it and pre-writing this post in my head I keep using cliches that motivational speakers build their lives on. So I sorta feel like one. Hence the title.
On Friday, August 17th I had an epiphany. I experienced a major paradigm shift. My life will never be the same. (See what I mean?) I was kneeling on the floor to change my baby's diaper. More than the diaper was changed by the time I stood up, though. (Ugh. Even I groaned at that one.) As I was doing the very routine duty of caring for my son a thought landed so squarely on my head that it slammed all the way down into my heart. Here it is: "I am no longer trying to adopt a baby. I'm just getting ready, in case God wants me to."
It sounds simple, but it is dramatic for me. My heart and mind have been so filled with peace since that moment.
I've known for awhile now that I have no control over my family. Both times my husband and I decided we wanted a biological child a major refusal from God reminded us that He is the author of our lives, not us. When we chose to adopt a child we thought we knew what we were getting ourselves into. But after two years, mucho dinero, piles of papers, no baby, and returning to square one, it is confirmed that we can't even redeem our children.
When we moved we discovered that our previous home study was only worth "the paper it's written on." So we are starting that all over. Starting the home study all over means new reference letters, background checks, physicals, fire inspections, etc. Our family profile is two years old. We have a different house, different job, different family members. So that needs to be re-written. The agency that we had been working with is closing. We are starting all over. Again. But with less money. So much less money that we can't throw our hats into any rings.
We have the money to raise children, but not the gigantic chunk required to adopt them. Though my ability to find loop holes and strategize my way out of tight spots is pretty fine tuned by this point in my life, I can't do it here. It is not possible for us to adopt a baby. I've known this for about 6 weeks now. Those days have been spent thinking, worrying, plotting, pleading, stewing. We can't do it.
Perhaps the impossibility of the situation is what caused my sudden clarity of thought. Maybe it was because we renewed our passports the day before, "just in case." I'm not sure why God granted me the grace to finally understand my role in my family. I'm grateful He did, though. I'm not going to keep trying to orchestrate it. I'm going to do my part to get ready to adopt, "just in case." I'm going to love the ones I've got. If God has a baby (or two) for us, He will bring that/those child(ren) and the money needed to adopt him/her/them.
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 NIV
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:30-31 NIV
Cartoon Credit: Frank and Ernest by Bob Thaves: “Paradigm Shift”, originally published on February 26, 1998. © 1998 by Thaves.
copyright (c) Elizabeth, Bug's Beef. All rights reserved.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Since we are no longer living in Kansas City, we're not there to point people to our favorite things. (obviously) But thanks to the handy dandy internet, I can still tell the people who are blessed to live in the KC metro where to go for excellence. This post is meant to be informational, unlike my other ones that tend to be more emotional. Though thinking about all the delicious food I'm missing out on now, I am feeling a bit weepy. . . .
Personal chef:: Sarah Stears *Not a hoity-toity luxury. Cheaper and more nutritious than eating out. Call her today*
Pediatrician: Dr. Grimes. Everyone in the practice is wonderful, though. The only time I have cried from loneliness is when we went to a pediatrician here. If they are only accepting newborns and their siblings (as was the case a few months ago) then it is TOTALLY worth it to have another baby just to get into the practice.
Indian food:Swagat. Go at lunch time so you can eat a variety of things from the buffet. Have a cup of masala tea for me.
Church: Church of the Open Door. Even if you can't attend, you can listen to the messages on-line. But you should attend. A church is so much more than a pastor. Though Pastor Efta is a treasure, he is not the only one. This whole church rocks.
Quilters: Vicky Beasley andTheresa Ward. Vicky makes tops. Theresa quilts them. Gor-Geous!
Artist: Eric Hoins
Dermatologist:Dr. Menser. I trust her with my baby. The car she provides is extraordinary. Send anyone to her for any skin thing.
BBQ: Well, pretty much any hole in the wall place is going to rock. It is Kansas City. It's hard to go wrong. But, there is a reason why Jack Stack's is famous.
Grocery service: Door to Door Organics
Naturopath: Dr. Farhang Khosh
Pumpkin patch: Louisburg Cider Mill. Eat a donut for me.
Dentist: Dr. Blaha
Dim sum: Pine and Bamboo Garden. Their website isn't up right now, so no link. They are on Shawnee Mission Parkway. Go on a Saturday or Sunday at lunch time for carted dim sum. Delicious! And a cultural experience. Here's the sure-fire sign that it's good: the place is filled with Chinese people.
Appliance repair: Dennis' Refrigeration and Appliance. Based out of Leavenworth. The man knows what he is doing. And he doesn't just want to take your money. When he fixed my crazy oven door he took the time to show me how to fix it myself in the future.
Race: Run for Mercy. Hosted by Oceans of Mercy. 5k or 10k. If you've ever wanted to race, or are looking to add another to your spring routine, this is for you. Even if you don't want to race, you should still do it. Exercise, helping orphans, a fun family activity, pancakes, a cool shirt. Do it!
If there is anything else you would like to know about, or if you see a glaring omission, please tell me all about it!
copyright (c) Elizabeth, Bug's Beef. All rights reserved.