Dare we ask?

So many people stand in the first week of January, look over the empty calendar, and wonder with curious expectation what is coming.  I'm usually one of those people.

January 2011 found my husband and me getting numerous calls from our adoption coordinator asking if we wanted to be presented to various birth moms. Our answer was always a resounding, "yes!" Last January the only thing I was confident that was going to happen during the year was our adoption, our anniversary and our birthdays. I was right about our 6th anniversary, right about my first born turning three, and right about my husband and I sinking deeper into our 30s. But that was all I was right about. Here's how my year unfolded (all unexpected, unplanned):

January: Chosen by a birth mom. Start serving in new ministry. Celebrate the 8th anniversary of my salvation. Meet birth mom. Turn in massive pile of paperwork. Write checks. Scammed. Defrauded. No baby. Money gone. Heart broken.

February: Grieve. Anger stage more closely resembles rage. Jesus quickly heals. Shock: Stare at two blue lines on a pregnancy test. Drop to my knees, sobbing praise and thanks to God for the impossible.

March: Matched with another birth mom. Meet with detective and secret service agent about scam. I start spotting. Sob. Drop off son. Sob. Dash to ultrasound. Sob in relief and gratitude. There's a heartbeat! Our baby is alive. And could it be that we can already see he's a boy? No fraud, but no baby. Birth mom chose to parent the baby. Happy Birthday to me. Celebrate my first born's birthday with family & friends. Announce pregnancy.

April: Learn all sorts of awesome things in Scripture. My journal has too many entries and they are too great of truths to summarize. Sweet time.

May: Speak at Ladies' Retreat for my church. Attend graduation of best friend. Cheer as she enters the profession I have left behind. Ultrasound confirms that yes, we are having another boy. Another healthy boy. Celebrate six years of marriage with my man. Head to the Lake.

June: Mind, body, spirit refreshed by reading Hebrews, 1 Peter,  and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

July: My husband is offered a job out of nowhere. It is on the other side of the country. Are we moving?!?

August: Routine checkup reveals my son's heart is fast and irregular. Level 2 ultrasound 2 days later shows a beautiful, healthy heart. An immature electrical system in T's heart lead to worry in mine.

September: The Lake with family. We ARE moving, but *only* 10 hours away from my beloved family & home.

October: Say "hello" to due date. Say "good-bye" to due date. Sweet T is born at home. (Read more here. Brave first road trip to Branson as a family of four. Happy Birthday to my man.

November: Leave position at ministry started in January. Thanksgiving.

December: Christmas. Begin process of preparing heart and home for move this summer.

And that was just my immediate family.  The brain-aching twists and turns in my extended family were extraordinary, also.

So, dare I ask what is coming this year? No, not today. The first week of 2012 has been lovely. I've enjoyed it. I'm going to enjoy it.

I know that my asking, or not, will not change the course laid out for me this coming year. I'm just ditching my normal pattern of filling my mind with worry, speculation & tentative plans for every possibility. I'm going to live my life. The ever-changing, good, unexpected life I am blessed to have.

copyright (c) Elizabeth, Bug's Beef. All rights reserved.