Wednesday, January 25, 2012


im sitting at the airport, typing on my new fangled phone. im glad it allows me to write, though i can not figure out how to capitalize or use other common punctuations. please pardon the mess.

the title does not refer to planes. thankfully. today it is grief that is crashing in on me. as we drove to the airport the reality of our coming move overwhelmed me. i had forgotten what the depths of mourning felt like. my heart ache is so great that my chest literally hurts. my breathe keeps catching and choking me.

we are going to see the new area where we are to live. we will move in about five months. my husband has a meeting with his new employer. the facts sound so boring. i wish there was a font that dripped down the page. not that i could figure out how to use it.

the prospect of leaving behind my sisters, nieces, nephews, friends, and church family is inducing nausea. i know that jesus is a god who gives. but right now it feels like everything is being taken away from me. it feels like this move is just for my husband, and i am along for the ride. i feel quite alone and unloved by god.

good thing feelings do not dictate reality. i stubbornly believe that christ is for me. because he says so. if only my heart will catch up with my head. . .

but now i am off to purchase an  over priced sandwich and rejoice with my son that our plane has landed and awaits us.

by the way, it was super brutal to not capitalize every reference to jesus. at least my respect has not waned within this great sadness

copyright (c) Elizabeth, Bug's Beef. All rights reserved.

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