Monday, April 9, 2012

The Fear of Man I

My husband and I are in the process to adopt a baby. We've been home studied approved for a year and a half. I started researching adoption agencies two years ago. We've spoken of, and planned, adoption since our courtship. This morning I wondered if I have actually been ready to adopt, though.

I was reading the blog of our adoption coordinator (Tracie) and noticed her tweets on the sidebar. One of Tracie's daughters met her birth mother for the first time yesterday. By reading between the lines of the 140 characters I felt Tracie's love for her daughter's birth mom.

As I walked away from my computer it dawned on me that up until this point I have not been fully ready to love the birth family of my child. I know from our two failed adoptions that I am really good at loving them through the matching process, but what happens after that? My link to my children's birth families is just as eternal as my link to my children. Am I ready for my life to reflect that? Would I have been too busy living my life to keep loving my babies' birth family?  There is a chance that busyness is actually a cover for fear.

There are a pile of things to be afraid of: they might try to take my babies away from me, they might be a horrible influence on my children, they might try to manipulate and steal from us, they might confuse my children, they might steal the hearts of my children, they might, they might, they might. . .

And yet.

In God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11

God has got this. He has my family. He has my heart. Jesus has already walked us through two painful adoption situations. He can and will take us through anything else that comes.  No person can inflict the one wound that God can't heal.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

I am called to love. And that love has some power behind it. Not just some power, all power. Defeat the grave kinda power. I can't do it on my own, but Jesus can love through me. Oh, there are so many verses that talk about the love of God poured out in and through us. Here's just one:

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.  Romans 5:5

So apparently I haven't been ready to have more children, because I don't have them. (God IS sovereign) But I am being better prepared every day. Another lesson/deep truth has been stirring within me for a couple of months. It needs to roll around in my brain a little bit more before I can articulate it clearly. So stay tuned for another fear of man that God has revealed and healed.

copyright (c) Elizabeth, Bug's Beef. All rights reserved.

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