Withdrawn

Withdrawn
1. removed from contact, circulation, etc.
2. reticent, quiet, reserved, detached
3. me

Obviously.

I haven't blogged in four months. It's not just you, though. I've withdrawn from almost everybody. My rather thin journal still has empty pages in it. The first entry records my thoughts from October 30, 2009. An inch-thick booklet of my musings remains unfilled after almost four years. A week or so ago I asked my husband how he felt I had changed in the year since our move. One of the things he mentioned was that I am more quiet. I share less of my thoughts and feelings.

Speaking of my man: though I have withdrawn from most of the world, I do continue to live up close and personal with three particular dudes. Since my silence has left you image-less as well as wordless, here are some recent pictures of the faces I get to see and love and smile at each day.

Now who in their right mind could not love these guys? (I am hoping to distract you by showing you my men.)

I've backspaced this paragraph a few times, because I still don't feel like talking. But this post has been tumbling around my mind for awhile. Hopefully I can get it out and go back to my simple silence.  

I think one of the main reasons why I have slipped into silence is because there is no one to talk to. Not about things that fill my heart and mind. Sure, I get to talk about sandboxes, and screen time and fighting bad guys all day. But those are the things that captivate my children, not me. 

I can't decide if this quiet is a good thing, or not. My mouth has gotten me in trouble many times throughout the years. I find myself regretting my words less often now. That's a good thing. However, I do feel my heart growing distant, as well. Despite deep loneliness, at times I want to sever the few friendships that remain. That would not be good.

To be quite honest, the only reason I am sharing now is because I dread going back to look at the Core Curriculum Standards for kindergarten. I am working on my school goals for the 2013-2014 year. After dragging myself through language arts I knew I could not tackle mathematics without a break. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. Maybe. Depends on how this whole withdrawn-thing shakes out.

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