Bug's Beef

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

A New Strategy

I have fallen apart. I don't pray. I don't exercise. I don't read my Bible. I don't stop eating when I'm full. I waste time. I am impatient. I am selfish. I am uncaring. It has been a progressive deterioration. I have tried, without success, to pinpoint when the destruction began. The starting point really doesn't matter, though. The point of change, does.

The absolute point of change occurred on January 23, 2003. That's when I became a Christian. That was the day I sat crossed legged on my white eyelet comforter and sobbed out my acceptance of, and dependence on, the mercy of Jesus. In that moment I died to sin. The Bible tells me so. We should have had a funeral.

Christ began revealing immediately that the old me had died. The next time I flipped someone off He gently showed me I didn't do that anymore. The music I used to groove to started bothering me, the lyrics washing over my brain like vinegar. I heard myself curse and cringed. A relationship I had severed caused an ache in my soul.

As the old habits exited, some new came in. I read my Bible and thrilled at the treasure within it. I prayed and actually communed with God. Not just words pointed at the ceiling, I talked to my Creator. I grew modest. I took counsel from those who oozed love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

In recent years I have slid, though. I have started acting like that girl who died eleven years ago. How can a vibrant, eternal being act like a corpse? Perhaps I lapsed because it is easier to do behavior management than nurture a relationship. Staying with God, listening for His Voice, waiting, and depending take effort. Mere religion is easy. Wrestling with God requires energy.

I've known this for awhile, but didn't know how to fix it. I was paralyzed by feeling guilty for allowing my soul to grow so stagnant.

My new strategy for living the reality of Philippians 2:12-13 is centered on music. To remind myself that it is God Who works in me, I sing and hum a hymn throughout my days. My favorite verse of Come Thou Fount says:

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

To spur myself to wake up, fight on, and work out I am setting a new ringer on my alarm. (I hope my roommate doesn't mind) The video is below. The lyrics are posted below it.

I will let you know if this new musical strategy has positive results, or not.

[Intro:] ~John Piper~

I hear so many Christians, murmuring about their imperfections, and their failures, and their addictions, and their shortcomings. And I see so little war! Murmur, murmur, murmur. Why am I this way? Make War!

[Verse 1:] ~Tedashii~
Bang with me/ba-bang bang, ba-bang with me
No more playing games mane/cause this thang can get risky
So man if you in Christ/TAKE UP!!/your cross quickly
Stand fearless on the frontline/time to come with it
Do the right thing/WAKE UP!!/and lets get it
I ain't even in the ring/they throwing blows like Riddick
Persistently attacking me/they're even in the back of me
It's either fight or lose my life and I can't take this passively
So what you think I'm bout to do/I'm bout to do what I can do
Trust the ONE who got me through/and fight like it was after school
Never giving up/steady, standing on the battle field
Feet firm to the ground like I stepped on Chapel Hill
Flesh feeling frisky, sin persuades and tempts me/
Satan cheers me on/guilt followed by conviction
It's the same ol' trap/and we fall like we defenseless/
Work your senses/grow in wisdom/stand firm and be relentless/

[Hook:]
I MAKE WAR!/Cause sin never sleeps/
It's got me in a trance/you can see it in my dreams/
I MAKE WAR!/Man I beat my flesh/
To the death/every breath/like I beat my chest/
I MAKE WAR/sun up/
I MAKE WAR/sun down/
I MAKE WAR/time in/
I MAKE WAR/time out/
I MAKE WAR/against lust/
Against pride/against me/until I die/

[Verse 3:] ~Tedashii~
I'm a Christ representer, fit to stand and deliver/
Cause a lot of my believers struggle with their agenda/
So I dropped this on an ADAT/just so you could come play back/
A hit to be encouraged that rocks you with truth from, way back/
So listen up to it ASAP/like you do a Lecrae track/
I'm spittin' written visions to put on heads like a wave cap/
Sinning, naw we don't play that/cause that's the way that a slave acts/
I'm filled with the Spirit so tell them dawg this is pay back/
As you begin to copy the carbon copies of Christ/
And conform to His written image you should be shinning a light/
If you not, why is that?/
Is it fear that's been grippin' you/cause you scared they'll be dissin' you/
Flipping birds while that spit at you/
If you not, why is that?/
it don't matter so bump it/perfect love cast out fear and He ain't save us for nothing/
his is a privilege (privilege)/your life to give to Him (give to Him)/
so stand firm for Him dawg and lets get it in

[Hook]

copyright (c) Elizabeth, Bug's Beef. All rights reserved.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Recovering

T Man is finally on a forward moving path!
He is eating. He is sleeping. He is drinking. He is silly. He is sassy. He is fever free. He is on antibiotics. He is on probiotics. He is on his feet.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Post Op Pains

T is still struggling with pain. We are hard pressed to get him to walk. He prefers crawling. Or better yet, being carried. His back is noticeably swollen. I wouldn't want to sashay about the place either, if my back looked like his. We are going to see someone from the neurosurgery team tomorrow to see if he is ready to have his sutures out. I will also mention him still needing the big-time pain meds to control his discomfort. In the meantime, we certainly appreciate any and all prayers for T's continued healing.

In happy news, T has been sleeping through the night.

Both AB and N have teeth on the move. So we're flinging pain medication around here like it's champagne in the winner's circle at Indy.

copyright (c) Elizabeth, Bug's Beef. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Top Five

In an effort to wean us all from my recent heavy blogging habits I am posting an update today. Who knows what the future holds? Maybe all this blogging will spur me back into action. I might even return to weekly writings.

Home is a beautiful thing. I slept in my own bed. T Man slept in his own bed. He slept through the night for the first time in a very long time. I did not. AB is taking full advantage of having her mommy back, so she was up last night.

I did sleep in this morning. Rather than being awakened by a nurse coming in to give medicines or check vitals or do an assessment, or a physician coming in to poke and prod, I was stirred to consciousness by my man telling me T had eaten like a beast. (cue happy feet)

Now being home for a bit more than twelve hours, I have compiled by Top Five List. These are the things I most appreciated while we were in the hospital.

#5.

Parent Sleeping Accommodations

Though the dreaded bed-chair wasn't particularly comfortable, it is much better than sleeping in my car or a plain ol' chair. The hospital fully expected me to stay with my child. And they provided a way for me to do it. Even in the ICU. They also cheerfully provided me with linens and pillows. The bed below is the one in his non-unit room. It was the biggest one by far. And M never joined me.

Guest Trays

The hospital has meal cards available for guests to purchase. Six dollars buys you one entree, two sides, a drink and a dessert. This is a picture of the last half of some dirt cake. It was yummy. And yes, I did eat the gummy worms. I'm neither too old nor too dignified to tap into my inner eight year old. The guest trays are really nice because they are delivered to the patient's room. I didn't waste any time away from my boy by going to the cafeteria to eat.

The Child Life Specialists

These people are awesome. They have masters degrees and are really good at helping ease children and their siblings through the medical process. But mainly, they get paid to bring cool toys to the kids. They came by every day to see what T wanted to play with. If I thought of something after they had come through, the nurses paged them. They delivered movies, cars, books, trucks, squeezy balls, a floor mat, bubbles, pinwheels and this awesome thing. It's a mobile sensory unit. It's the reason why T finally got to his feet. It plays music and it boasts a ceiling projector in addition to the bubbles and lights you see.

The staff

Pretty much everyone was great with T. (and me) There were only a handful of people that I felt weren't listening to me. Everyone else seriously weighed my opinion. I was invited to join them on rounds each morning. They played with T. They were patient and kind. Jillian was our nurse all weekend and the one who got to wave good bye to us yesterday. Vanessa only took care of T yesterday, but she was so good to him. When she was in the room it felt like we were her only concern. She oozed cheerfulness

A happy, healthy, whole boy

Getting to walk back out of the hospital with this guy in our arms is worth it all. Here he is helping the docs with their final assessment before we left.

Monday, September 1, 2014

On Our Way Home!

Yay! Our last hospital selfie

A Turn Around!

T ate!

And drank!
And stood!
And took a step!
Turns out he needed his brother and sister and a tower of sensory input. (see pictures below)
He stole AB's cracker. He drank after he watched N have some juice. And he wanted a better view of the mobile sensory unit, so he stood up to get it.
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

Monday Morning

Today I am refreshed of soul. (envision me doing an awesome happy dance here) That would be because God is strong, not because I am.
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
Interesting that those beloved verses are found in Lamentations.
T had a very restless, fretful night.
I'm glad they have coffee here.
BUT...He did eat a few non-banana bites of food last night. Woot woot!
T was part of a feeding group all summer to address his sucking, rather than chewing foods. Last night I used a lot of their techniques to get him to eat. pretty much I let him play with his favorite foods. Every once in awhile a bite would slip in. He also shoved a lot of cold tater tots in my mouth. Blech. Only a mother's love.
We're doing the play-with-your-food routine again this morning. I'm typing in between bites. I've already asked M to bring me clean pjs.
My outlook is good. My view is great.